Daily Kos: Legal Corporate Threat Letter

For example, if taxes are raised, employers such as myself could be forced to hire security guards to protect our assets. ?As an employee, you count as an asset while you are on the clock, and as such need to be watched carefully. ?Of course, these contractors are not under my jurisdiction, being independent contractors, and I have no way of protecting you from them should they become threatened by your behavior, or actions.

Voting for Obama, for example, could be seen as a direct threat. ?These officers are of course completely within their rights to use force, even deadly force, should they feel threatened. ?Of course, I am certain that none of my employees would engage in behavior that might cause these officers the slightest bit of concern. ?

In addition, it is of paramount importance that you understand that your behavior outside of the company reflects on the company as a whole. ?In keeping with the corporation's new religious policy, (Generico recently converted to the 1st Church of Corporate Christ) it is essential that all of our employees spend at least 4 hours a day engaged in the sacrament of Unpaid Overtime. ?Failure to do this would demonstrate a lack of faith, and as a faith based organization, Generico cannot continue to offer employment to those who insult our religion.

In addition, it has come to my attention that several of our employees have contemplated dealing with Union Satan. Generico cannot tolerate blasphemy, and such hideous actions require prescribed penance. ?The sacrifice of all your material goods to Generico will suffice as a demonstration of faith. ?However, should you fail to show requisite contrition, keep in mind that in the employment contract that you signed, it clearly states that you agreed to binding arbitration with a cleric of 1stCCC. ?

I also want to remind you that Tomorrow is mandatory Bring Your Child To Work day. ?We have opened a new assembly line right next to yours, where your children will be expected to put in an eight hour day and meet quota. ?Of course, single and childless employees will be expected to meet the same standards. ?In order to make things easier for you, we have created a sign up sheet for the requisite unpaid overtime. ?

It is our hope that this simple reminder does not dissuade you in any way from going out and voting for Mitt Romney. ?After all, it is your patriotic duty to vote. ?Provided of course you understand that you do so on your own time and that taking time off to vote will be reflected on your weekly performance report.

With Faith,

Generico

Source: http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/10/25/1150288/-Legal-Corporate-Threat-Letter

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